Dear Annie: My husband and I have very different values. What he considers fun I consider boring, and what I consider fun he considers immature and exhausting. I found that separating as a couple helped both of us. I could not be myself when I was with him, because what we valued was very different — especially as I got older.

I was trying to preserve our marriage while denying my spiritual side (he finds spirituality too uncomfortable). Our conversations were superficial, and we increasingly argued over trivial things. After we separated, I found my depression lifted. I could freely pursue my spiritual growth and found great comfort. He seemed happier also, being able to pursue his hobbies.

I realize that when you print letters about couples growing apart, the issue of spiritual differences is frequently mentioned as the cause, especially as the years roll by. — Grew Apart

Dear Grew Apart: Sometimes separating is the best thing for a couple, and it sounds like you both are happier living apart. Not rushing into divorce, and taking the time to see a counselor, and then living separately to see if that made you both happier, was a very practical and mature way to go about your divorce.

Dear Annie: I had a chat interaction with a person on a website a year ago that sounds similar to the concerns of “Concerned Daughter,” whose 81-year-old mother was the target of an internet scam, and others who have written to you to tell of suspicious experiences online. On the site I visited, there was a picture of a man in a military uniform. I don’t think it was an American uniform. I think he started a chat with me because I use a picture of my folks, who both are wearing Army uniforms.

This person kept asking questions like, “Are you married?” and, “How old are you?” He tried to get my email address, and because he made me uncomfortable, I told him I don’t have one. He also tried to get me to go to some other site to communicate with him. I didn’t. He told me something about his family in an attempt to try to gain my trust. He made his military connection sound very secretive.

I am always cautious, and I knew he must have been up to no good. One clue to my feeling this way was that he would use very low-scoring words in the internet word game we were playing. He dropped out of the game when he figured out I wasn’t going to be duped. I’m thinking “Concerned” may need her mom to undergo some cognitive testing. — Not Duped

Dear Not Duped: Good for you for smelling out a rat. If something doesn’t feel right or honest in someone’s questioning and communication, trust your intuition. You are correct that it would not be a bad idea to have her mother tested.

View prior ‘Dear Annie’ columns

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

COPYRIGHT 2023 CREATORS.COM